


Between Us

by StronkThonks



Category: Freedom Planet (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Minor Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26537812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StronkThonks/pseuds/StronkThonks
Summary: Accidents happen, and the world moves on. Feelings, on the other hand, don't.When the journal housing the true sentiments of one is discovered, the trio are thrown into each of their own worst nightmares. It's up to Lilac to prolong a seemingly causeless fight, fearing its disastrous outcome.
Relationships: Carol Tea and Milla Basset, Milla Basset and Neera Li, Sash Lilac and Milla Basset, Sash Lilac/Carol Tea
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Unanticipated

Milla stood atop her laboratory. Her eyes, darting like fruit flies on a banana. Steadily, the sky and the sun withdrew, with its orange light reflecting off the lake below. She dithered, whimpered, then gingerly hopped off her roof. Nine hours had passed since they left. Five hundred and forty minutes since her friends made the promise that they would return home. Sometimes it felt like subservient little Milla was always told to wait. Always to keep watch. Always anticipating.

What her best friends told her this morning was still fresh in her head.

“Looks like Lilac and I have a date with the old cloaked blueberry again.” announced Carol.

“Yeah, sorry it’s on such late notice. Do you think you could watch home base for us while we go see the Magister?” Lilac asked.

“I’m not sure why they didn’t ask you to come. I’d totally sneak you into that stupid hearing with my flawless ninja skills.” Carol boasted as she tugged at her scarf.

“Alright, secret agent Tea.” Lilac spurred as she sarcastically reintroduced Carol. “Care to remind us of what happened last time? About why we can’t sneak things into places?” Lilac inquired.

Carol recoiled, recalling a time when she was apprehended for smuggling a corndog into the Magister's palace.

“Pffsh. I plead the fifth.”

“Miss Flawless Ninja and I will be back as soon as we can. Keep me up to speed in the meantime!” Lilac waved, before running into the morning sun.

But you know what? This is okay. Milla’s the urbane, canine overseer; quite literally the watchdog of the group. What’s one more house to watch? Everyone has an important role to play, and disappointment was not something she took with ease. She was to see it through that nothing catastrophic happens to their stay.

In the distance, a planked, rigid treehouse stood proudly, resting atop thick elderly branches. A fifteen-minute walk, or five-minute run, give or take. Her old digs always seemed maybe a little too detached from her lab. Perhaps it was the difference in height? Or it was just a little too far away? Maybe, just maybe, she missed the darn thing. Given the size and scale of her new place, it wasn’t easy for her to admit to herself how she felt about the scrappy aged box.

Milla locked the door to her lab and began her five-minute journey.

As the comfortable, autumn wind swayed the looming trees above, Milla reminisced. There was a certain nostalgia in the air, but she couldn’t place her finger on what it was. It could be the sunset. After all, she first met her lifetime friends on a nightfall that looked as beautiful as the one overhead. But enough gazing, her jog was to be kept steady, and her mission to be completed. But as the air sang quietly into her ears, a couple fond memories couldn’t help but bounce into her head.

The astonished looks on their faces when Lilac and Carol first found her curled up, sleeping in the treehouse cupboard was a special memory locked deep inside her heart. The chuckles and wheezes from her two best friends at breakfast the next morning were enough to make Milla cry tears of laughter, even though she never actually saw it happen.

But those were the good-old days. Lilac and Carol lived together, and the little sister figure they took in? She slept in her lab, alone. A lab that was maybe a little too distant, and a little too much of a responsibility. She missed seeing those two smiling faces every morning. She missed always being reminded that she was that final lock set in place. That no matter what the situation or petty disagreement, Lilac and Carol could look to her, and know that they’d all stay together until the very end.

Finally, the treehouse ladder revealed itself. Milla took a cursory glance at the house and its immediate vicinity.

No threats, no nothing. Not a single robot in sight, but it wasn’t like there usually were any, though.

Milla enjoyed swaying the rope back and forth as she climbed; something she did as an impressionable youth that she was never able to get over. She swung, and twisted, and eventually made it to the top. Her fingers gripped the planked door to the treehouse. As it was delicately creaked open, she almost expected her friends to be there inside, waiting for her.

But there was still nothing. No dragon or wildcat in or outside the dusty wooden box.

Milla let out a sigh of defeat. When were they going to be back? What was keeping them so long? Is the Magister mad at them?

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a dim red light next to the phone. Ah! The voicemail! Did anyone call?

Milla stepped across the kitchen and tapped the gleaming button. The computer-phone sang its scratchy, pre-recorded song.

**_ BEEEP _ **

**YOU HAVE THREE NEW MESSAGES.**

Huh. That was one more than the last time she checked. Might as well finally listen to them.

_** BEEEP ** _

**YOUR FIRST MESSAGE IS SELECTED.**

“HI LILAC! HI CAROL! It’s Milla! I’m setting up the landline from the lab! I know sometimes this tin can of an answering system doesn’t work, but I think it’s okay now! Oh, this is so wonderful. Nos vemos luego, call me back!”

She snickered. They saved it.

Next.

**_ BEEEP _ **

“Hey, this is Roger, from Shang Mu Fur Care? I’m calling to confirm your three orders of the Wildcat Dandruff Cream you orde-“

Next.

**_ BEEEP _ **

There was an uncomfortable pause between the message starting and the next recipient talking. Then a squeaky, jumpy voice filled the room.

“Hello? Is this Milla Basset? I understand that this is your alternative number. But we bring you urgent news-“

_Uh oh._

“Sash Lilac and Carol Tea have you listed as an emergency contact. They have requested you to s-"

The door behind her opened noisily. Milla squealed and in haste, unplugged the landline she was holding.

"Who's there?"

Terrified, she glanced back where she came in. There were bright blue and red lights outside the treehouse, and a shadowy figure loomed in front of the door.

“You’re coming with me.”

\------------------------------------

Buckled in the front seat of a squad car, sat Milla, who was anxiously watching the time on the windshield’s interface as the driver kept a harsh focus on the road ahead. The car’s AC felt especially chilly, and Milla couldn’t help but think it was only because its driver liked it that way.

“Neera, what’s… what’s going on?” Milla shivered.

“I’m a bit lacking on the details, but I was just sent an executive order. His excellency told me to pick you up at once.” Responded the Magister’s advisor, Neera Li.

Milla’s heart sank.

“I-Is anyone hurt? How long have I been waiting for? Are they okay? Did anythi-”

“Quiet.” Neera sharply ordered. Milla let out a small gasp as she rose from a state of resting her head on her hand and nervously focusing on her elbow. Neera’s attention on the road did not falter.

Could she have done something? What if she went with them to see the Magister? Neither of them knew what was going on, but Milla couldn’t help but assume the worst out of every situation.

Neera glanced to Milla at a red light, and exhaled.

“It does someone like you no good to worry this excessively.” Neera advised. “You’ll wear yourself out, and you shouldn’t. Not at a time where your friends may need you the most.”

“B-but! Neither of us know what’s going on! I haven’t heard a single word from anyone until you showed up-“

“That’s right. However, I did hear a little bit of that answering machine you were listening to. Those two had you set as an emergency contact, so something is going on.”

There was a long and distinct silence.

“…Our next stop is the Shang Tu Intensive Care Center.”

Milla choked back sobs.

“T-the… the… HOSPITAL!? They’re in the HOSPITAL!? You… you could’ve told me this sooner!” Milla struggled to put her words together. “You’re so… so… inconsiderate!” The tail of hers stuck up straight in the air, alert and ready to tussle.

An unsatisfying silence rang throughout the inside of the car, and for the next few seconds, Neera refused to respond. Whether or not it was because she was focusing on the road remained unclear. The insult spewed at her was… par for the course as far as Milla was concerned, but it was an indication that Neera had catastrophically failed in making her guest pretend to be calm.

The car glided to a stop at the next red light. Neera knew her passenger was cold, distraught, and crying.

“Do you remember?” the Magister’s assistant spoke.

One of the basset hound’s ears perked.

“The first rule I ever taught you. The single most important, most indispensable statute in all of our training.”

She paused. The hound lifted herself out of the palm of her hand, only to meet the driver’s eyes.

“…Rule number one.” Milla sniffled. “I will fear nothing.”

“Look at your side view mirror.” Neera ordered. “Tell me if that’s the face of someone who fears nothing.”

The light from the moonlit sky was just bright enough that Milla could see her own reflection. Her puffy eyes, wet nose, and agape mouth were in full view. Her tangerine colored hair ruffled and messy, and her white cheeks stained with dark lines, where her tears just were. Milla knew she was a muddled disaster, nevertheless, she never would've considered taking self-reflection so literally.

“Milla.”

The hound finished observing herself before locking eyes with her driver once more.

“Listen closely. I don’t know if only one of your friends is hospitalized, or if they’re both in intensive care. All I could hear from that phone is that they were both present. However, I can assure you that I highly doubt either of them is in any kind of prolonged life-threatening condition. I would know by now.”

The red light ahead turned to green, and the car began accelerating once more.

“Being tearful over what we don’t know is a waste of your time, and it doesn’t suit you to cry useless tears.” Neera reaffirmed. “As you are my subject, why don’t we take advantage of this time we have together? This could be another lesson for you.”

Milla never feared scrutiny, even when given in the most seemingly unfitting times, but this was a little different. Her eagerness to learn was revitalized, but without the distracting cheeriness she exhibited in her previous lessons. It seemed like, for this car ride only, the permanence of the naïve optimism she always wore was shattered.


	2. Curiosity

“Room A14 is on the third floor.”

The bird spoke with a rather painful sounding nasal undertone. The young, feathered receptionist then gestured towards the west elevator, with an up-arrow indicator glistening overhead. Neera couldn’t help but steal glances at the bags under the intern’s eyes. His facial appearance was in stark contrast to the nametag on his lapel.

HELLO! MY NAME IS: Romedius P. Quack.

Did all medical students always look this… strained? Maybe it was his oddball name that was throwing her off.

“Thank you.” Neera responded.

Across the waiting room, Milla rested on the least creaky of the waiting-room chairs. She tried her absolute hardest not to look anxious, slapping her wrists when she twiddled her fingers, and tossing her ears behind her head every time she caught herself subconsciously chewing on them. Milla wasn’t supposed look scared. There wasn’t supposed to be any complaining, or fearfulness.

Not while her mentor was there.

Neera guided herself to the elevator door. Rolling her staff aside, she pushed the top button with her free hand. Seconds later, the iron plates slid open. The tiny elevator room exposed itself: just as white, bleak and disinfectant smelling as the rest of the care center.

Neera cleared her throat, signaling her pupil.

The chair squealed as Milla hurriedly stood up and scampered beside her mentor. Quietly, they stepped inside. Milla had never been inside a hospital before. She wanted comfort, support, and someone to lie on, but she wasn’t going to get that here. All she could do we look to Neera, who had her head down, eyes shut in dormant, undisturbed focus.

\------------------------------

Room A7… A9… A11?

Whoops, wrong side.

Room A10… A12… there! A14!

The entrance loomed over her. Milla stood, wincing as she jostled the doorknob. She shut her eyes, and swiftly stepped inside. To the right, a petit rabbit nurse sat in the back corner of the room, fiddling with her clipboard. Even a couple seconds after entering, she looked intact and concentrated on her paperwork. To the left, she saw Lilac the Dragon Girl, calm, collected and rustling the hair of the sole occupant of the bed.

“L… Lilac!” Milla shouted.

“Mill-umf!” Lilac’s greeting was muffled by the canine that had just enveloped her.

“I’m… I’m so glad you’re okay!! I was just at the treehouse, checking things out for you, but I panicked because nobody called me, and then you guys were gone for like, nine hours! But then I also slightly DIDN’T panic because there weren’t any robots around, but I then got this WEIRD voicemail! and then Neera-“ With face and nose buried inside Lilac’s chest, the narration of her context was eventually drowned.

Lilac scratched Milla on the head before picking herself up. She twirled herself around, presenting her perfectly fine body to her worrisome friend.

“Milla.” She assured. “Not a scratch or bruise in sight. You shouldn’t worry about me.” Lilac whispered, respectfully.

“Oh, Perdóname, please forgive me.” Milla murmured apologetically, realizing the scene she made as she lifted her face off Lilac’s torso. But if it wasn’t Lilac she could be worried about, then that means…

“CAROL!”

The nurse from across the room shushed her.

The wildcat’s eyes were closed, as she peaceably rested on her left side. Her unconscious purrs were interpolated between snores, and her brow furrowed with each exhale. The thin, hospital blankets obscured her from the neck down, this did not stop Milla from grasping her shoulder, though.

“W-what’s going to happen to her?” Milla asked, desperately.

“Your friend is fine. She’ll be home by tomorrow.” The rabbit from across the bed mumbled, her tone was high and stern. “Her legs have been badly bruised, and the tibia in her left leg was fractured. Thank the stones she was able to sustain minor injuries after the freak show she and your other friend put on.”

“Hey! That wasn’t a ‘freak show’!” Lilac objected. “Carol risked her life to-“

“Now, now. Driving headfirst into oncoming traffic is quite the reckless and irresponsible feat, wouldn’t you say?” The nurse’s voice lowered as it became smooth and condescending.

“But that’s alright. You upstart kids won’t risk your life like this again, correct?”

Lilac growled at the nurse’s rude flippancy. Milla stood incredulously.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

The canine stared in disbelief. Was she for real? There her patient was, asleep after a long and grueling procedure on the most vital bone in her leg, and there still wasn’t any common decency to spare? She exchanged looks of suppressed anger with Lilac and clenched her fists.

Before the situation could grow any more unpleasant, a figure appeared from outside the door.

“Nurse Grey!” Neera barked.

“Eep!”

As Neera marched inside their space, she maintained a hostile, indignant stance. Staff in hand, it looked as though she was ready to point its tip and activate it in at only a moment’s notice.

“A-A…Advisor Li! What are you d-doing here?” The rabbit squeaked.

“I will NOT tolerate any impertinence towards my subjects. You are a nurse, not a lawyer.”

Is ice magic legal in hospitals?

“Yes ma’am! Sorry ma’am! Won’t-happen-again ma’am!”

Her rabbit ears limply retreated behind her head, cowering behind her brown clipboard. Neera scowled.

Now would be the time for Carol to make some snarky comment, or for Lilac to try to deescalate the conflict diplomatically, but neither the dragon nor the cat said anything. The trio remained in concentrated silence; an inaudible “thank you very much” to the woman standing by the door, if you will.

Neera twirled her staff, positioned it beside her dress before calmly walking back out the door. She turned left towards the elevator from which she came.

“Guess our silent, temperamental, cool-as-ice knight really does have a pulse in that frozen heart of hers.” Lilac chortled. “Wish she'd be more like that calling us for summons, though.” She sighed.

Milla subconsciously nodded with a quiet “uh-huh” as she stared off into space, head facing the door, and mouth agape.

“…Milla?” Lilac touched her friend’s shoulder.

“I, uh… one second!” Milla announced, jolting the nurse once more as she hurriedly dashed out of the hospital room.

Her mentor was already halfway down the hallway, She had to walk fast to catch up to her. Once they were not too distant, she quietly called out to her.

“Neera!”

Her mentor stopped walking, head now turned sideways, perpendicular to Milla’s.

“…What you said in there. It… It meant a lot to me and Lilac, and I’m sure it meant a lot to Carol too.”

Milla concentrated her gaze on the floor.

“You… you didn’t have to say what you said…” Milla continued. “…but you still did it anyway.”

...

“Thank you.”

Neera smirked, and lightly exhaled through her nose. Gripping her staff, the assistant returned to her original position of looking forward. As she resumed walking towards the elevator, Milla knew that her response, while nonverbal, seemed as though it was worth more than a thousand words.

\------------------------------

As visiting hours at the care center were nearing its end, Lilac and Milla were asked to leave to give the patients time to rest, and the doctors room to work. The pair were lucky enough to have enough time to catch one of the last buses leaving the center. Neither of them had never been on a bus this late. The seats were unoccupied and desolate, with only the whirrs of its large engine to keep them company. Lilac handed the scruffy driver the fare for both occupants.

“You can choose when you want us to sit, Milla.” Lilac prompted, scratching her friend’s forehead and offering her a soft grin.

“I… I’m not really sure…”

“Aren’t you tired? It’s really late, maybe you could use a row of seats to lie down on.“ Lilac suggested.

Milla gripped Lilac’s hand as the bus accelerated shortly after picking them up.

“No, really! I’m not tired.” She insisted. “I think I’ll choose… those ones.” Milla pointed the very back of the bus, where a cushioned, two seat row was erected from under a large glass-pane window.

The pair carefully traversed the already moving bus to where Milla was pointing. Lilac gestured her friend to take the seat closest to the window. Milla obliged and delicately sat down.

As the bus roared through the empty streets of Shang Tu, trees, suburban homes, and various insects whirred by their window. Milla sat in silence as she stared outside, mystified by every little minute detail the empty roads had to offer.

“Lilac?” Milla asked.

“Yeah?”

“Carol’s coming back tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Both the doctor and the nurse said so. Are you worried?”

“Well… I’m a little bit worried, but I’m also a little bit curious.”

“How so?”

“Neera told me something on the way to the hospital. She asked me not to cry over things… things that I didn’t completely know yet. Things I didn’t completely understand.”

“Sounds like her.”

“But then I was thinking, what if there are injuries that you and I have, that nobody knows yet?”

Lilac paused before answering her question.

“You mean like, when you tripped and bruised yourself at the Dragon Festival last year, and didn’t tell anyone that you were hurt because you didn’t want to leave?” Lilac chuckled amidst retelling the story.

“Well… yeah! Sort of like that! I wasn’t… too honest with everyone. Sometimes it’s hard now. I just thought that I, you know, should be a little more truthful sometimes.”

“No, no… I get it. We always say to you that if anything bad happens, you can come and tell us. Wish I practiced what I preached, though.”

“Lilac…”

“You know, I didn’t call you immediately after Carol was injured.”

“Y-yeah, I could tell.”

“After she was sent to urgent care, I didn’t want to frighten you, so I didn’t call immediately. I wanted to apologize to you about it. You were waiting, what, ten hours?”

“I think it was nine! …but I’m okay with it, though! I do enjoy watching over things!”

“Still, Milla. I’m very, very sorry about how you felt. You deserve better.”

“N-no! Why are you apologizing? Carol was hurt, and you did the responsible thing. The adult thing. You took care of her and watched over her. You dealt with that crummy nurse longer than I had to, and you watched Carol crash and seriously injure herself, all with your own eyes!”

“Milla?”

“Yes, Lilac?”

“What was that thing Neera said to you again?”

“That I shouldn’t cry over things that I don’t completely understand yet?”

“Yeah, that. I’ll… make sure to remember that. Thanks for sharing with me, Milla.”

“You’re welcome, Lilac!”

_**NEXT STOP: DRAGON VALLEY** _

Milla perked at the radio announcer, but they both still had about fifteen more minutes before the ride was over and the bus reached their destination. She took this opportunity to place her head on Lilac’s shoulder.

After a few seconds, Milla felt a warm sensation on her head. Lilac, eyes shut and mouth softly grinning, was running her fingers through Milla’s hair. After just spending what seemed like one of the longest car rides of her entire life with Neera, Milla was dying for any kind of physical affection. Fortunately for her, It didn’t seem like Lilac was prepared to stop any time soon.


	3. Stowed Away

The bright moon domineered over the purple dragon and her pale basset friend as the pair trudged hand in hand through the midnight woods. The ample moonlight steered them through each congested thicket, constantly illuminating the trail they followed. Lilac wasn’t used to traversing the path between the bus stop to her treehouse. She herself held a somewhat youthful indignation of the bus system entirely. Because why take it if she can just… run?

But this time was different. Milla’s wish shifted Lilac into a different set of plans for the night. “Can I sleep in the treehouse with you?” wasn’t something she heard from the basset in weeks, but the request was indeed comforting. Milla spent almost the entirety of yesterday worrying; Lilac could tell she was desperate for company. She wasn’t about to let her friend sleep alone after everything she put her through.

When they reached the top of the ladder, Lilac hesitated. The shock she experienced just this evening intruded her thoughts. But… if only she called as soon as the trouble was over, no matter how many times an injured Carol told her she was going to be fine.

It was when all Lilac could think about was Carol.

When deformities protruded the flesh of her best friend’s left thigh as purple bruises scattered everywhere else. When her limp, swelling, ragdoll lower half sank into Lilac’s arms. It was when nobody knew how bad this was… or was going to be.

When Lilac didn’t know.

When all she could do at that very moment was cradle her best friend and sprint to the hospital. Don’t think, don’t stop. Stay with me.

Alone in the waiting room, Lilac shouldn’t have asked herself _how_ she was going to say it. All she needed to do was tell her friend that _Carol was hurt_. It’s only three words. The thought of saying all three in succession burned Lilac’s throat. But even Lilac knew Carol was going to be fine, even the doctors said so. It’s just a leg injury.

She’ll _live_.

So why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell _her_?

“Lilac?”

A voice broke her train of thought. Milla was leaning against the treehouse door, awaiting her friend’s next move. The poor girl was lost in space.

“Is everything alright? Are you sleepy?”

Lilac rubbed her eyes, released her balled fist, and sank back into reality. “I’m fine,” she lied. With a nod and an artificial smile, she slid the door open, inviting Milla to walk inside with her.

Lilac whiffed the rustic cabin scent before flipping the light switch. Overhead lightbulbs fizzed, sizzled and flickered. As the duo meandered the treehouse in a barren silence, the room slowly began to illuminate. In the center of the space was a television sporting two antennae. One was crooked; they both had to be at weird angles to properly function. On the left, a big fluffy chair. Milla helped herself to the latter. Lilac started up the stairs.

“Now don’t spend all night watching movies,” Lilac motherly chuckled.

“Aren’t you going to watch?” Milla begged. “With me?”

“I’ll be down in a second,” Lilac assured. “I gotta go change and tidy up Carol’s bed for you.”

“I’ll sleep on the floor!”

“No, you won’t.”

Milla pouted before getting up to fiddle with the antennas, sputtering the T.V. to life.

Thin makeshift floorboards croaked as Lilac trekked up wooden slabs. Carol’s ungraceful bedding could be seen from the top of the stairs, with blankets wrinkled and pillow tossed on the floor. Lilac sighed at the menial task ahead of her.

After entering, Lilac leaned on their bedroom door from the inside until she pushed it all the way shut.

She was finally alone.

With fingers gripping her temples, a defeated sigh escaped her smoldering throat. Carol will live. Milla isn’t worried anymore. Why is it so hard to sweep this under the rug when everything will be okay?

Lilac focused her attention to the lower bunk in the left corner of the room, half expecting Carol to be there, fast asleep like she always was. But instead, her chest burned when absent bedsheets glared back at her.

Lilac tightly gripped blankets and sheets and spread them across the floor before neatly arranging them in orderly folds. Her teeth were locked in an intense, yet subconscious grit until the sheets were kink-less and smooth. Next, the pillow. Lilac tossed it from the floor and gave it a huge midair smack to align its landing spot, right on top of the newly creased blankets she placed atop the bunk.

But Lilac felt something. Something hard.

A bizarre, muffled thud came from the cotton rectangle. Before the pillow could stick its landing, Lilac swiped it. Did Carol always use this? Lilac turned it over and gave it a knock while her eyes darted to seek any sort of weird flat areas. When she couldn’t find any, she vigorously rattled the pillow.

There was something _inside_ this thing. Milla can’t sleep on this. Lilac thrashed her arm inside the pillowcase and finally grasped the rigid object.

A small, green notebook, maybe about half an inch thick revealed itself.

Lilac stood in bewilderment. Was this a diary? A journal? What on earth was it doing in Carol’s pillow?

Lilac shrugged, and before any bizarre theories could form in her mind, she flipped its front cover. Just a quick peek, Lilac thought. She wasn’t used to curiosity besting her greater morals, but it couldn’t be helped.

_**‘Week 2 – Monday** _

_**Since Thursday of last week, I’ve eaten maybe around three bags of chips over my goal. I had another this morning.** _

_**That’s… that’s an extra 400 calories. I don’t think I’ll be writing this up. They’re just chips. Right?** _

_**I’ll just push myself hard when I go on my evening run with Lee.** _

_**Intake this week is higher than my average. I need to tone down the chips next quarter. And the bread. Always the bread.’** _

_**PAGE 8** _

Lilac snickered. Rather ungraceful handwriting was sprawled on each college rule page, while profanity was laced between unmet goals. It was hard not to awe at Carol’s detailed self-reflections.

_**‘Day six. I ate a ham sandwich. That is all.’** _

Okay, maybe not all of them were detailed.

Pages lightly whirred and whipped the air before Lilac could stop to observe random pages in their entirety. It’s almost like Carol wrote like she was always complaining to someone. Like she was simultaneously reading what she just put down, and loudly judging herself in the process.

But it seemed that over time, Carol complained more often; her tangents slowly became more and more frequent.

**_‘Self-control is difficult, okay? Those things were practically begging to be eaten.’_ **

**_‘Sometimes I miss cheesecake. Actually, no. I don’t. That’s stupid.’_ **

**_‘Why Carbo-loading isn’t an actual diet yet is beyond me.’_ **

It didn’t take long for something peculiar to catch Lilac’s eye. Something at the bottom of every log.

**_‘I’m starting to think Lee likes it more when I go on these afternoon runs without my bike. Guess I’m doing that now.’_ **

“Lee.”

It was obviously Carol’s codename for Lilac.

**_‘I accidentally dropped Lee’s toothbrush in the toilet. Again.’_ **

Like, it was _abundantly clear_ that this was her.

*****

“Lilac, are you in there?” Said a voice from outside the door.

Lilac overcame her egregious invasion of privacy when frantically searching for her alias became her prime directive. Fixated on finding any word that started with a capital L, her eyes sprinted through every page, ignoring every crude observation she just spent the last couple minutes snickering about.

_**‘I’m jealous of how fast Lee can run. Can all dragons do those weird boost-y things? Sounds like an unfair advantage if you ask me. I didn’t know I looked this slow next to her.’** _

Every page had some little quip about her.

_**‘Lee is always so stubborn about showing up to these stupid hearings. What a chore! I just don’t get her sometimes.’** _

Every _single_ one.

**_‘Lee looked at me funny when I told my fire hydrant joke at the table. Maybe it was because the dog was also there. Great. Probably not gonna say that one ever again.’_ **

Lilac couldn’t piece any thoughts together in her head like she usually could. All she could do was ask herself why.

Why did Carol become so conscious about… eating?

Of all the names she could’ve chosen, why “Lee”?

Finally, the million-dollar question. Why was Carol the one behind this? Of all people on Avalice, why was _she_ the one with feelings to stow away? _In a journal?_

This didn’t sit right.

Nothing about this was sitting right.

What would be so private, so egregious, so offensive, that Carol would need to hide it from us?

...Lilac wasn’t anticipating an answer to her question so soon, after flipping to the next random page.

_**‘Week 10 – Saturday** _

_**I’m not hungry.** _

_**I haven’t been able to eat since Wednesday.** _

_**Pretending to eat in front of them is really, really hard.** _

_**My throat stings.** _

_**I can’t do this.’** _

A rapid, sickening dizziness overtook her previously chipper emotions. It felt like a ghost was shoving Lilac off balance, despite sitting right smack dab in the center of the floor.

This _can’t_ be Carol.

_**‘This is all my fault.’** _

_**PAGE 70** _

Carol would _never_ say something like this.

A panic spiraled into her head as she desperately began flipping pages in reverse to try and find where, and when this started. Glued to the journal were her tired, worrisome pupils. Beads of sweat dripped from her temple, like the first rains of a moody April. As the salt-water soaked her tendrils, she didn’t bother to drape them behind her back.

How? How did she start feeling like _this_? Lilac needed to know.

_**‘Week 9 – Wednesday’** _

“It’s been half an hour… are you okay?” A voice from outside her room did not falter Lilac’s reading.

_**‘It doesn’t matter anymore. I know Lee hates me now.’** _

The Carol that Lilac knew _shook off_ feelings like this so easily.

**_‘It still feels like everyone still hates me. I left everyone behind.’_ **

Thermal Base. Was this about Thermal Base?

_**‘I want to leave. I just want to be gone and never come back. Lee was tortured. I left Torque out to die.’** _

But Carol was _over_ this… wasn’t she?

**_‘So, I did it. I grabbed a kitchen knife. I tried slashing my throat. I thought I’d never have to think about this ever again.’_ **

Words bit into Lilac like a steel beartrap. Each letter like a tooth sinking deeper into her heart. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe. Lilac’s lip shivered and vibrated with staggering, uneven breaths. The tiny bursts of air that did escape her lungs manifested in repeated whisper.

“Why, Carol? Why?”

**_‘It hurts._ **

**_But I’m still here._ **

**_I’m sorry.’_ **

**_PAGE 60_ **

The thought of Carol slitting her own throat threw Lilac into what felt like a life-threatening illness. She hideously gagged at the thought of it. Her own throat blistered, mimicking the pain of being sliced open, with blood leaking out of a one-way entrance. A steady airflow kept her from vomiting.

After tumbling out the door, Lilac wanted to make a mad dash to the bathroom. She needed to wash her face, take a shower, do _some_ thing to mitigate her feelings. But as she hastily stepped into the hallway, someone right outside the door met her, nose to nose.

“Lilac!?”

Oh no.

“Milla! Didn’t see you there.” Lilac cracked.

Milla’s glare burnt holes into Lilac’s face. Her pale smile faltered with immediate concern.

“Have you been crying?” Milla questioned.

“Milla, I can explain, I-”

“And what’s that book? The one in your hand?”

No, no, no, no…!

“Oh, t-this?” Lilac failed to casually raise the notebook to eye level before it slipped out of her hands and she quickly picked it back up. Lilac didn’t usually crumble under the pressure of being cross-examined, but Milla doing it? Lying right now was only going to make her even more nauseous.

“It’s… it’s…”

“It’s what, Lilac? You’re… you’re crying again!”

Lilac choked herself trying hard to hold her breath.

“Milla, you… this… I can’t-”

Lilac was shocked by a sudden pressure on her shoulders. Milla had her arms out, hands placed on the sobbing mess in front of her. Her beady eyes fixated onto Lilac, like a laser pointer was on her nose. Her face shared the look of resentment of being lied to, and the worried eyebrows of a concerned little sister.

“Stop it! Stop… whatever you’re doing! Please don’t try to lie to me!” Milla feebly complained.

She sheepishly took her arms off Lilac, and gazed at her toes, partially embarrassed at herself for what little ruckus she made. While she didn’t verbally apologize, Milla had the sorry look on her face that she always wore asking for forgiveness.

A stunned, shivering Lilac refused to respond to her friend for a couple empty seconds. Lilac looked at her friend.

Naïve.

Distressed

Unsure.

Just a few hours ago, Milla had felt these same feelings. That feeling of not knowing what’s going on. Being so obscured from the outside world, like life is being viewed from a window only opened halfway. Lilac wasn’t going to let that happen. Not again.

“Alright,” Lilac sniffled. “I’ll tell you what I was reading, but you have to promise me something.”

Milla ceased her pouting and eased her furrowed brows. Her windows mimicked the most serious look she knew. She nodded, with her eyes shut, focusing on every word Lilac could muster.

“Promise me that you’ll keep what’s in this journal just between us, okay?”

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, this is a thing.
> 
> I've been writing for a little while now, and am just now starting to dabble into the fan-fiction scene. This is my first attempt, and as you can imagine, I'm a little rough around the edges. Feedback would be cool!


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